Giving up and giving in

Oh my days, it is so easy to have ideals. To have values and beliefs and causes we hold so close to our hearts. We all want to leave an inhabitable planet for the next generation, but some days it is just so terribly hard to break the habits of ease and convenience.

I confess that the transition to being officially organic has been something of a commitment. Not entirely its own fault, maybe just a very obvious way of observing what happens when doing the Right Thing and the Easy Thing rub up against each other. I am ashamed to confess that I have sometimes thought that it might be too hard, too boring, too disappointing to continue down the organic path. 

Up until now, if one of my crops has failed or been eaten by slugs, I simply go out and buy some more seed, and go again. If I miss my window for sowing biennials (and you know that's happened more years than I care to count) I just get in touch with the Botanical Nursery and source a tray of apricot foxglove plugs the size of my car boot. Before I worked out the foolproof way of germinating it (damp kitchen paper, every time), most of my creme brulee phlox plants came from Sarah Raven.

Now Malus Farm is a closed loop, just me, the seed I have, and my wits as a gardener. Oh, and I have to keep proper records of everything. There is an edge of anxiety in the air. I have thought about just not. Just not making my life more difficult for myself. Does anyone even care anyway? I've always sold more seeds than I could grow not being organic. Why not do the easy thing? Do what I've always done. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

However loud the chatter, I couldn't quite let go. The world is absolutely stuffed full of people doing the easy thing, and it is the people that are doing the hard, right thing that stand out. I nail my colours to the mast and that mast is respect for the soil and the wildlife, being transparently and truly pesticide and herbicide-free, and being the change I want to see in the world.

Ok, so once I had committed, nearly changed my mind and committed again, I had to face the consequences that make doing the right thing difficult. The biggest of which is that I cannot supply seed to America anymore. All of the certification rules in the USA are different and I simply can't manage the admin involved. If you are a Gather member in the USA, this means you are incredibly lucky in the short term because I have to sell off all the current seed stock at fabulously attractive reduced prices, but slightly less lucky in the long-term because I could post you my beautiful envelopes, but I won't be able to put any seed in them.